


Bitches brawns and brains

by Bl4ckHunter



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Crack Fic, F/M, Females fighting, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:36:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23027920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bl4ckHunter/pseuds/Bl4ckHunter
Summary: One-shot crack fic. Alternate version of "Frenemies forever". Iris beats Felicity in a physical fight, so Felicity resorts to a different method to beat her.
Relationships: Barry Allen/Iris West, Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak
Comments: 16
Kudos: 22





	Bitches brawns and brains

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aragorn_II_Elessar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aragorn_II_Elessar/gifts), [Stand_with_Ward_and_Queen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stand_with_Ward_and_Queen/gifts), [Phillipe363](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phillipe363/gifts).



> Something I got from a conversation with Aragorn II Elessar. Most of it is from my older crack fic "Frenemies forever" but with a different outcome.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own DC Comics or the CW TV shows Arrow, The Flash, Legends of Tomorrow, Supergirl or any other characters or elements pertaining to the mentioned franchises.
> 
> Hope you have fun
> 
> With regards
> 
> Bl4ckHunter

Barry and Iris were watching TV before Oliver and Felicity entered.

"It wasn't that bad to go to the Tech Village, was it?" Felicity asked as she and Oliver entered.

"Yeah, maybe we can build a better computer for William." Oliver shrugged.

"You know, the tech stuff isn't really my thing, it just kind of puzzles my mind." Iris said.

"Well, it's not your fault, to understand it, you need to have a certain level of education like me, Oliver or Barry." Felicity said nonchalantly.

"Excuse me?" Iris demanded, glaring as she got up. "OK, I _did_ not just hear you say that."

"Say what?" Felicity asked, seemingly confused.

"I have a degree from psychology and long-time experience in journalism, so I have pretty good level of education." Iris snapped.

"Sorry, I wasn't trying to offend you." Felicity said. "All I'm saying is that tech like this is really hard to understand."

Iris seethed, her face turning red. "OK, I happen to work at S.T.A.R. Labs too, so I have pretty good knowledge about technology."

"What, do you write into magazines about how amazing their tech is?" Felicity drawled.

"No, Cisco happened to teach me some things about it." Iris snapped.

Felicity laughed. "Oh, I see, I guess you need a little help from one of my close friends, since…"

"You know what, I think it's getting late, why don't we go to bed." Oliver said, quickly trying to defuse the situation before it would escalate, accompanying Felicity to the bedroom and Barry gave Oliver a quick subtle nod and grateful look, not wanting to see Felicity and Iris fight.

"I can't believe it, how can she insult me like that?" Iris scoffed.

"Well, she does have _more_ experience with tech…" Barry paused as he saw the glare in Iris's eyes. "Although she lacks a lot in social skills." He finished quickly as Iris smiled and Barry gulped.

* * *

"Do you often wonder how is it possible that Iris is a member of the team? I mean, what skills does she have that neither Barry, Cisco, Caitlin or Wells have?" Felicity asked.

"Good question." Oliver nodded.

* * *

"You know what, I wonder if she's good with this." Iris said, faking moan sounds, much to Barry's confusion.

"You want my help…"

Iris moaned even louder. "Oh, my God, Barry!" She said, obviously faking it before Barry realized she was trying to annoy Oliver and Felicity as he covered his ears.

"You gotta be kidding me." Barry grumbled.

* * *

"Oh, no. Two can play that game." Felicity snapped before she started to moan loudly. "Oh, Oliver."

"Oh, come on." Oliver groaned, realizing that Felicity was just trying to annoy Iris and Barry as he put some cotton into his ears, covering them as he tried to sleep instead but he still heard some muffled moaning.

* * *

The following morning, Oliver was making coffee in the kitchen as Barry entered.

"Good morning." Barry said.

"Hey." Oliver nodded.

"You and Felicity were making quite a ruckus last night." Barry said.

"Yeah, you and Iris were having a wild ride too." Oliver pointed out.

"You heard that?" Barry asked.

"Trust me, I tried really hard _not_ to hear it." Oliver nodded as they both sat down, drinking coffee. "I wonder how are you able to run with how flexible Iris is."

"Yeah, I could say the same thing about you and Feli…" Barry sighed. "You know what, I'm not gonna lie, I wish I could say we had very good sex last night but honestly, last night was…"

"A complete bummer?" Oliver finished, realizing Iris was faking it.

Barry nodded. "Iris was trying to prove some kind of point to Felicity."

"And all that noise was…" Oliver trailed off.

"I had nothing to do with it." Barry said quickly. "She doesn't even need me in bed to have some fun."

"Yeah." Oliver nodded. "Although, I can imagine now how it must have felt with Iris when we got switched with that magic book…"

"Dude!" Barry glared.

"Sorry." Oliver said quickly. "Worst sex with Felicity, ever."

"No kidding." Barry nodded before Iris went downstairs and Felicity passed by her.

"Good morning."

"Morning."

"Did you sleep well?" Iris asked.

"Terrific." Felicity nodded.

"I was worried we might have kept you awake." Iris smirked.

"Is that so?" Felicity taunted with a glare and vicious smile on her face. "I could say the same thing about you."

"I slept like a baby." Iris replied.

"Well, I hope you didn't wet the bed." Felicity said before she started to laugh evilly and Iris started to laugh evilly too as they glared at each other like two psychopaths.

"They're laughing. That's good, isn't it?" Barry asked.

"Not _that_ laugh." Oliver shook his head. "That's the _bad_ laugh." He said, already speaking from his experience with various other girls, realizing that Felicity and Iris were close to killing each other.

"Well, I think we should head back to Star City, so that I can relieve Thea and Laurel of the babysitting duty." Felicity said.

"Oh, so now you ask your friends to look after your stepson? What, couldn't bring him to Central City?" Iris taunted.

"Well, I didn't want to put him in danger in a city full of metas, unlike you, who lets her daughter from the future fight metahumans every day recklessly and also put on her a speed dampening leash like some kind of a Dominator." Felicity taunted.

"OK, you really want to do this?" Iris snapped, rolling her sleeves and about to lunge at Felicity. "Looks like someone's ought to beat some sense into…"

"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! No!" Oliver intervened as he stepped up in between and Barry restrained Iris.

"Calm down! Come on!"

"I've had enough of your subtle insults, you little four-eyed minx!" Iris growled.

"I'm not the one in incest with her best friend!" Felicity yelled.

"Both of you, calm down! That's enough!" Oliver snapped.

"No fighting, come on!" Barry insisted. "We're all adults here, now, aren't we?"

"Yeah, I don't have a temper of a five-year old…" Iris sneered.

"OK, now you're dead!" Felicity snapped, about to lunge at Iris as Oliver held her back.

"Felicity, no, calm down! Come on! Barry's right! How about we all calm down and have some coffee, watch TV and relax." Oliver suggested, trying to calm her down.

"You wouldn't last a day, since even a crime lord was able to kick your ass..." Iris said, referring to Diaz attacking Felicity.

"That does it!" Felicity shouted, freeing herself of Oliver's grip as Iris lunged at her, freeing herself from Barry's hold as they grabbed each other by their throats, trying to exchange blows. Felicity managed to get a lucky hit and make a bruise on Iris's face but Iris blocked the following punch before slamming Felicity to the floor and hitting her in the face, knocking her out.

"Was that necessary?" Barry asked.

"I'm the Queen Bitch, not you!" Iris sneered at Felicity before turning to Oliver. "Sorry, Oliver."

Oliver sighed in frustration.

* * *

"You OK?" Oliver asked as he was driving away, with Felicity holding an icepack at her bruised face.

"Let's never sleep over at Barry's and Iris's again." Felicity said.

"Agreed." Oliver pouted before Felicity giggled quietly. "What's so funny?"

"Uh, I think Barry will tell you later." Felicity smirked.

* * *

"OK, guys, let's see what's going on." Iris was at the computer in the Cortex before it pinged. "Barry, we got a-"

Suddenly, Iris spasmed as the computer shocked her and she fell down, trembling.

"What the hell?" Cisco asked as he and Barry entered and examined the computer. "Looks like someone uploaded a virus into this thing. But who?"

"I have my suspicions." Barry said, shaking his head. He didn't want to be in Felicity's place if Iris ever saw her again.

**Author's Note:**

> As much as I hate to admit it, in a physical fight, Iris would most likely wipe the floor with Felicity, who got just one or two self-defense classes from Diggle, while Iris is a cop's daughter. But, there are other ways Felicity can beat her * snickers *
> 
> To the user called "bestallen" who accused me of being a racist and misogynist, I do not care if you believe I am one, since it's a waste of time to argue with you but you thinking I would use fake accounts to give myself kudos, to show how pathetic I am, shows only how pathetic you are. If you had bothered to look closer at the other accounts, you would have noticed that their writing style is different and obviously cannot be one and the same person. All the WestAllen stans have proven to me is that they are full of delusional idiots and I'm done wasting my time with morons like you. All flames and ridiculous accusations are going to be deleted since it's a waste of time to bother with trolls like you.
> 
> Please review and let me know if you have enjoyed this one-shot.
> 
> With regards
> 
> Bl4ckHunter


End file.
